Ellen had to do a huge favor for a good friend of hers during the show today. We’d like to thank Michelle’s husband for taking the time to talk with us!Michelle’s husband.
how are these people not dead
Oh he can eat plastic bags and the other lady can eat drywall, but if I want to enjoy some fucking cookie dough I’ll get salmonella and die
Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.
This can save lives
Get to know me meme: [one/five] current celebrity crushes ■ Louis CK
As humans, we waste the shit out of our words. It’s sad. We use words like “awesome” and “wonderful” like they’re candy. It was awesome? Really? It inspired awe? It was wonderful? Are you serious? It was full of wonder? You use the word “amazing” to describe a goddamn sandwich at Wendy’s. What’s going to happen on your wedding day, or when your first child is born? How will you describe it? You already wasted “amazing” on a fucking sandwich.
If you can’t find a place on your blog for Patrick Stewart in a bathtub dressed like a lobster, then your blog probably doesn’t deserve such majesty anyway.
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i think im emotionally constipated because i haven’t given a shit in months
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a very real world reaction to the superhero concept
having anxiety and depression is like being scared and tired at the same time. it’s the fear of failure but no urge to be productive, and it’s wanting friends while hating socializing. it’s like running a marathon with the willpower of a corpse because you want to get to the end but you also want to sleep and evaporate into the soil and become compost for snails and flowers because then at least you’re useful
…the future of pizza (X)
none pizza left beef
Fo' shizzle, Ms. Frizzle
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